I like to make myself believe, that planet Earth turns slowly

Sooooo Fireflies is the most amazing song ever!! If you haven't listened to it yet...look it up, Fireflies - Owl City. = Amazing!! =O Haha anways...so yeah it's been awhile...again XD hahaha apparently I'm not so good with keeping up with this whole blog thing, but you know...I'm trying =] I don't really have a specific topic for this post...I'm just going to write kk? So I'm doing pretty good. I'm not on my happiness high like I was a couple of weeks ago, but that's ok. I'm not depressed, and that's all that really matters. I still can't find a job...=/ that really sucks cause I'm broke, and don't like that feeling. I just applied at the movie theater where Dani works, so hopefully they'll at least consider hiring me. This year is going by soooo quickly it's crazy! I mean the next thing I'll know tomorrow I'll be graduating =O scary thought... haha So I think that I really do want to go through the photography route. That would be uber fun! I just hope I'll be able to have a steady income...but that's another story. =P You know I think I'm going backwards the emotional area of my life, which isn't good. I can't stop thinking about that jerk. I wish there was a way to control my thoughts and where they lead. Until there is...I guess I have to deal with him being in my head. Grrr...oh well. Homecoming is this weekend! I'm so stoked! It should be fun =] Anways I'm gonna go now...but thanks. For what? I don't know... but thanks anways =]

It's been awhile

Heeeeeey =] So it's been awhile... I know! I sowy =/ Life has been a little tricky for me this last month. But you know, I'm doing good =] Things are a little more in perspective for me. Yeah the whole thing with Tommy was a little much. But I did better than I thought I would. I'm acutally finding that some positive things came from that relationship. I don't know how but I've become more...hmm what's the word? Outgoing? Yeah sounds about right. It's like that whole experience taught me to not be afraid about how others think. It's like that saying "Those who care don't matter. And those who matter, don't care." So be yourself. And if someone doesn't like you, you'll find someone else who absolutely loves you :D Yeah ok I can't say that I'm totally over Tommy. I mean I really loved him, and you don't just stop loving someone overnight. But it does get easier over time. =] Acutally, in a way... it's kind of a relieve that we're no longer together. Cause now, I have my whole life ahead of me. I don't have anyone holding me back. I can do what I want to do, go where I want to go, and live the way I want to life. I mean it would be nice to share that with someone else, but I think I should experience life by myself first. So here I am, with arms wide open, ready to face the everyday. =]

Oh Joy =/

Depression. Yeah it hurts, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not even sure though if this is really depression... but all I can say is out of all the emotions I'm feeling right now... happines, is not among them. You know I kind of knew in the back of my mind this day would come, just cause I knew, I know he could and can do better than me. I'm actually surprised at how long it lasted. I mean 6 months... wow. But you know, I was really hoping this would be it. After breaking up with John, Tommy seemed like the answer to all my problems, the one I was looking for. Either he really was at first, or he was just a hell of a good actor. Our first 3 months together, were the happiest. After that... it just went down hill. The hurtful things he'd say to me, making me feel like the stupidest person that ever walked on the face of this earth. he kept tearing me down, with little build up afterwards. But even with all the freedom he'd take from me, and the hurtful comments, I still loved him. Why is that so hard to believe? I look back now and wonder why I didn't end it earlier. But when the tears start their decent down my cheek I remember his animated smile, his tender kiss, and his gentle touch. I loved him for him. Not for what he did or didn't do. But apparently his love did not thrive as well as mine. When he said his last words that would crush my world I so protected, there was so much lack of concern or cosideration that I was taken aback. After 6 months, this is all I get? The thing that bothers me the most is his coldness. His "life-altering experience" obviously did not involve me. Whatever that really was. I asked about his proposel he offered to me not once but twice, and his answer- "It was a mistake." Oh how that crushed me. I look back now and wonder, what out of all the things he told me, were actually true? What were the lies? Normally I'm pretty good at reading people but I couldn't read him. I now know why... my emotions were involved. I saw what I wanted to see, not what was really there. I once looked him in the eyes and told him he was good person. But now, I'm not so sure I was right. If he really was a good person, why would he say such things to the person he so supposidly loved? If he was a good person, why did he take such actions that he knew would hurt people? If he was a good person, why did he lie delibertly? Good people from time to time do these things, but good people regret and feel guilt. Him however, I'm not so sure. I probably will look back upon this and laugh, and think it silly to have reacted to such a small event in my life. But until that day comes I am deeply hurt. I am aware that this is but a paragraph, maybe a page in my book. But what keep me going is the fact that the rest is still unwritten. =]

18

18.  That's the magic the number.  Freedom, responsibility, fear, and anticipation all come with this set of digits.  Full of life and ready to go.  Ready to make decisions that will determine one's path to go one direction, or the other.  Maybe not.  Perhaps one can make their own path.  You don't have to take a path already made, do you?  Are there really rules, or are they just guide lines meant to help us?  I want to make my own path.  A path I know that may not be seen as through my eyes.  I know that I'm too young to be taken seriously, but inside I know I grew up a long time ago.  Due to circumstances beyond my control, the maturity level of mine was fast forward.  Because of this I do believe that I can make my own path.  Learning from others and myself, the future is beginning to look bright and full of possibilities.  Of course I know, I could not do it without the support and love from my family.  If I lost that...I don't know what I'd do.  I'd be lost, especially since they have been there for me my whole life, a sudden cut off would be detrimental.  I just hope that with whatever decision I may make in the future, that they would have my back no matter what.  I'm ready to live, ready to experience life, ready to love, ready to take on the challenge.  So 18, ready or not...here I come.

I Needed This...Sorry if it's Totally Random..=P

*sigh*  No one's perfect.  No one.  I don't care who you are.  There are always faults and imperfections, whatever they may be...they are there.  Too bad.  Imperfections equals hurt, pain, and sad memories.  But it also equals room for improvement, hope, and experiences.  You just got to be sure to not let the Man get ya down.  =]  People may not always be who you think they are, there's always going to be surprises, but hey, who doesn't like a good surprise every now and then?  Just be sure to be who you are, even if you're not too sure who that is...you'll know when you find it.  And when you do, you'll appreciate the people around who accept you for it.  It's a good feeling.  =]  Sea Feliz.  You got this. =]

Darkness

Close your eyes. Go ahead, close them. What do you see? Nothing right. Just darkness. Nothing, nothing but utter, complete darkness. What does this darkness bring or escape from you? Does it frighten or comfort? As far as your eyes can tell you, there's nothing there. Just the dark, black mist in front of you. What does it represent? Our troubles and fears? Or maybe it's our escape, our portal into our dream world. For me, this black mist is one that obtains every feeling you can imagine. What do little children fear the most? The dark. What is your reaction when something scares you? Close your eyes to darkness. What do you do when you try to remember something pleasant, or when you try to shut something out? Close your eyes. How about when you experience a wonderful feeling and you just want to savor the moment? I rest my case. We all turn to darkness for various reasons, whether they be good or bad. The darkness is apart of us, whether we like it or. We just have to accept it, for what it is. The incomprehensible darkness.

UNKNOWN DEFINITION OF LOVE

This was written by my very good friend Mujo in response to my last post. Hahaha Thanks Mujo!! =]


Love!! I bet $50 that every human on this face of earth is familiar with this word. At least I do. But question arises what is this “Love”?? Like algebraic “x” the definition of love is unknown, or maybe there is no such definition of it!!Amazing??I think yes. : P“Love is a strong liking for someone. It's a strong passionate affection for another person.” This is what Oxford’s dictionary gives me. Is this what love’s suppose to be in one and a half line crap?? I don’t think so. For me love is unknown feeling which you, me or any one else in this era can define. It’s just an inner feeling which arouses and is like uncontrollable “tsunami” or hell fire!!Since the dawn of man there has been love. Love for man, love for woman and etc etc.It’s like the driving force in many people’s life. The so-called love makes us do silly and foolish things which end up like nothing but just a wastage of time. Yes it is. Great wars have been fought; friends come to hate each other, and families broken up over this issue. Despite all this the question remains initial. What is this love??Like a rope or hanging string all mysteries have an end which human tries and achieves it. But for love there is no end and that is the reason why definition of love remains UNKNOWN…topic says it all…lol

Written by MuJo MaLek… ;) especially for Amber’s blog….

Disney Lies

Maybe I was wrong. Obviously I'm confused. We were told lies as children. Relationships are not like fairy tales...at all. When you tell someone "I love you", you're supposed to mean it with the most sincerity, compassion, and loyalty you possess. Or so I thought. From my observations and experiences with relationships I have found that Disney was far from reality. Now I knew that a relationship was not going to be like in the fairy tales, but I thought there was at least a kernel of truth in the stories I loved as a little girl. There's not. The happily ever after is not so happy after all. My divorced mother can be a witness for that. The fights, quarrels, the unstable foundation upon which their relationship was founded on. When you love someone, you should be happy with them and not go looking else where. When you love someone, you should know exactly what the answer is when another presents you with temptations. When you love someone, you should love them for who they are, not what they are. Why is it so hard? Some people cannot grasp this concept of love. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves." - I Corinthians 13:4-7 Even if you are not a Christian or don't believe in the Bible, there is a lot of wisdom in that quote. The "puppy love" that many possess cannot stand to this definition of love-the real love. No relationship is going perfect, there are going to be tough times; i know that. I will keep on loving people with the same amount of passion and support that I have been, even though it's exhausting and may sometimes seem pointless, because I know that's the way to do it. Give your all, even if it might destroy you.

Dundee

A man's best friend. Yes, that she was. She was here before I was brought into this life. She's always been there, her and Grizzly. Whenever I would come out for summers in SoCal, they would always be there, the two of them to greet me. She wasn't my dog, James my uncle owned her. And Grizzly was Tati's, my aunt's dog. But in a sense, she was everyone's dog. She was our protector, our alarm. When I came to live out here, it become my responsibility to take care of both the dogs. At first it was great, getting to walk them both twice a day. But then after awhile it become a chore, like washing dishes or making my bed. My love for the dogs began to wear off, I began to see them as a burden I had to carry, since my grandparent's children were out of the house. I thought they'd never die. Always spick and span and never sick. But now, I look back and see that she wasn't a chore, and neither was Grizzly. Instead they were blessings to my life as well as others they affected. Now on her dying bed, i realize that my love for her did not wear off but instead intensified to something more anchored. It was more understood, we both knew we loved each other. We didn’t have to show it. January 13th, 2009- I saw the whole thing. I saw the needle. I saw the blood. I watched the life slip away through her eyes. Wow. She was still warm when I took off her collar, still warm when I held her tight crying into her fur. She still looked like a puppy. But she’s in a better place now, in doggy heaven chasing heavenly sheep in a big grass field, waiting for us to see her again. I made a promise to her, “I’ll take care of Grizzly.” He still has a lot of life left in him. He’s too dumb to die. Hahaha Put in a good word for us will ya? We will miss you, and will never forget. We love you Dundee.

Hearing Aids

“Can you pass the napkins?”
“What?”
“I said, can you pass me a napkin?”
“I can’t understand you, what did you say?”
“Can you give me a napkin?”“Can you carve a pumpkin?”
“CAN YOU GIVE ME A NAPKIN?!?!”
“Ok ok, jeez you don’t have to yell.”

Oh how I know the frustration of living with the mortals that cope with the everyday challenge of the simple, natural, body-performing task; hearing. Every individual in the world has the knowledge that one does not last forever, and neither does his senses. Years and years of use, anything is bond for wear and tear. Although in our day in age, technological advances have allowed us to help with this wear and tear. The hearing aid has proven to be a very useful and practical machine that helps in the hearing area of our senses. Many people have become familiar with this particular device. It’s brown and smallish figure makes it out to be a very practical and effective tool. Now, because a person has two ears, naturally you are given two hearing aids, one for each ear. For the more stubborn of people, some only wear one, which if you think about it, makes no sense at all. For if one ear can hear, what happens to the other? Doe it just die, if you will, or stop working because of lack of use? If a person decides to utilize the break from their hearing problems, be sure they wear BOTH their hearing aids. If an individual is still unsure about whether or not to go for the new technological aid that is out for the taking, look for the signs. Are you finding yourself asking other people to repeat themselves more than once? Have you noticed that people you know and love are starting to sound like they are speaking some foreign language? Are you starting to repeat what you think people say, and getting that look of where did you get that from? If you’ve said yes to one or more of these things, then you might want to consider looking for some more information about these little helpers that are hardly noticeable except for their effectiveness to you. Who knows how far it will go, maybe one day we won’t have to put something in our ear, but instead have a simple surgery that fixes the issue with no problem at all. But for now, we have an effective little tool that allows a person to hear once again like in their prime. And so, for the sake and patience of the younger generation, if you need this assistance, it’s highly recommended.

The Traditional Family

It’s funny to think about family. What is a family? The dictionary tells us it is a group consisting of parents and children under one household. Is that what makes a family? It’s so general, so unemotional. Just a group of people who are related either by blood or marriage. I always thought that those were just elements, not what kept the family together. Love, trust, and dependency was the fixed sticky glue that kept the family, or at least that’s what I thought. As the pages in my life continue to be written word by word, page by page, I discover that many of my notions that I produced since I was a little girl are far far off from reality. My small brain’s interpretation of the world was not wrong, but was instead mislead or was in a way blinded by my circumstances that were put forth in my own little world of childhood. All this was done, of course I know for my own good. I was “too young” to know the truth. They were giving me a “chance to live a semi-normal life.” Is there an age minimum for the truth? The individual that is being told the lie will find out later, and that person, which goes by the name of liar, doesn’t know how or when that will happen. Depending on the individual, there are various reactions in which they could choose to bear oneself. Is it right? You may not be lying directly, but instead avoiding the problem, imagining that it’s not there. Is it not the same? That person has a right to know what’s going on. It’s their life, not yours. It is your job to protect them, but not deny them the knowledge of all things. A sheltered life isn’t always the best thing. After seeing the world in a black and white tunnel, the shock of the bright, colorful, and wide-open spaced world, comes like 2-by-4. So why am I formulating these thoughts onto a Microsoft Word document? There really isn’t a substantial answer to that question. Just me reflecting on life and what it brings to all of us, the expected and unexpected. But whatever life throws at us, we can all be comforted in the fact, that we are not alone.

I Can Think Too

I, have a brain. Amazing isn't it? I can think my own thoughts, come up with my own ideas, believe my own beliefs. As a child, I could not say the same then as I can now. My guardians, my family, people who were older; knew everything in my eyes. This was a reasonable conclusion based upon my age and inexperience in life itself. The pitiful part is that I never stopped thinking in this manner. This as always been my conclusion as of late. For the last couple of weeks I have been thinking, pondering, dwelling upon myself and my abilities. I’ve been questioning everything, everything that I have ever believed before without dispute. I now finally understand the phrase “agree to disagree” for I have now experienced it myself. This is not a black and white world, it is in fact very very colorful. It contains colors we don’t even know of, colors we don’t understand, and colors we avoid. Humans simplify things, they make the world black and white, this is something they understand, something they know. They simplify it, then teach others that the world is in fact black and white. This is wrong, just because that’s the way they see, doesn’t mean they should press this belief on others who would not know better. My eyes are open. I see the colors, the divine colors that God put on this earth. My parents and I now seem to agree to disagree quite often. I now know, that they don’t know everything, they are wiser then I, but they aren’t perfect. No one is, no one. There is not one person that knows everything. My thoughts, my ideas, my beliefs are not childish, they are legit.

Teenagers

Misunderstood. That is the best word to describe us. We are who we are, no what you make us out to be. You cannot change us mold us, or morph us to what you want. We are the future you don't understand. We are YOUR future. Knowing this, shouldn't you be more careful with what you do now? Control us now, but wait, just wait. One day, we won't take this anymore. The persecuted, the weak, the abused, the unwanted, the punished, the beaten, the overworked, the possessed, the sheltered, the cornered, the mistreated, will stand. The clock keeps ticking, whether you want it to or not. We won't be this way forever. Just wait.

Frail we are not, for we withstand the society of our time. Do you understand what we face?

The troubles, the hardships, the uncertainty of life. World War three is here, don't you see it?

It's in every family, every household, every story we each carry with us. All of us have stories to tell, but who will listen? For we each have stories of our own.

You judge us too harshly, without even thinking, say things that don't cross your mind, but things that stay in our hearts. "Your mother doesn't love you," "Why can't you be more like her?" or "I wish you weren't born." Our generation has had to fast forward through the many joys of childhood, like ignorance. We've become our guardian's psychologist. You tell us your problems, fears, worries. What do you think that does? It may help you, but what about us?

Children are worrying about bills and transportation, where their next meal is coming from. As we develop we have this burden, this heavy weight on our hearts. "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." This is so true, that is one thing we thank you for. We are strong because of these turmoils we face daily.

It is known that raising a child to adulthood is not an easy task. We are stubborn, we are our own personality. This however does not give you the right to disrespect us. Giving us rules that sometimes don't make sense. We of course cannot say anything about it because we know nothing have have no rights. It does not give you the right to distrust us with even the littlest bit of freedom. Oh how it must feel to be free. The first drive alone is the best feeling in the world. No one in the car, no watchful eyes. Just you and the car. How sweet the taste of freedom!

Take heed with what you say and do to your children of any age. We are our own person, our own generation. Just because you don't understand, doesn't mean you should treat us like you do. We know, we know you don't get it. It's frustrating but manageable. We will live on, this won't hurt us. We are the misunderstood, your future.

Why Hello

Hello peoples, my name is Lynn.  I may be young, but I have a mind and like to use it.  Recently I have discovered that writing is not an enemy that I am faced to tackle for school essays.  Instead it is like a friend to me, like a counselor who listens quite well.  I find when I am distressed or feeling a little overwhelmed, writing helps.  I have shared a couple of my writings with family and friends and have been encouraged to start a blog for everyone to read and enjoy.  After a little time of contemplation, I decided that it wasn't a bad a idea.  So here I am, starting this blog.  I must first warn you of my writing.  When I write, I normally am very very enthusiastic and passionate about the subject or topic.  Many times I am angry and frustrated, which I am sure you'll be able to tell.  Also, the writings which I will post are rough drafts...let me repeat ROUGH DRAFTS.  Another thing I have discovered about myself is that once I am done with an essay-if you will, I am done.  I no longer possess the passion so therefore I no longer care to go back and fix what may be imperfect in my essay.  I know this will bother many people, so you can edit my stuff if you deem it may be done.  But that doesn't mean I'll change anything.  Oh did I mention that I'm stubborn?  Haha anyway, my writing is more of a therapy then anything, sometimes it just helps to get whatever is on your mind, out and on paper.  So I hope you enjoy it and comments are always appreciated. =]

~Lynn~