¿Porque?

Why do I so desperately want the one thing that seems to always fail me? In my past it has never worked out. And yet, I want nothing else but to give it freely with the hope that it will be returned in kind. They say that the definition of insanity is to “do the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.” I better check the dictionary because my picture must be next to this particular word. And you know, I thought to love someone, you would in turn bear fruit of your own. However, instead I seem to bear only the thorns of consequence. I suppose my judgment or taste could be the cause of this, but honestly I can’t control who I love. I’m not sure I’d want to either...Trey Parker and Matt Stone once wrote “Love isn’t a decision. It’s a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical.” Every time I reminisce about my past relationships I can’t help but to remember the pain and hardship I suffered afterwards. I have been told that I love too much and too soon. But this the way I think love should be. Love is trust. I love that person so much that I trust they will try their hardest to not let me down or hurt me in anyway. I have learned that everyone will hurt you, intentionally or not. You have to find the person worth suffering for. This has been a hard thing for me to do. My heart seems to play tricks with me, tricks I don’t very much appreciate. I sometimes wish that I could be satisfied with the offers I’ve had here locally. People tell me, “give them a chance!” But why would I give that person hope that I may be interested, when in my heart I know I’m not. I can’t do that. I don’t play with people’s emotions. It’s either yes or no, period. I am very straightforward in that aspect. I wish others would be as well. So why? Why do I want to be in love again? I guess it’s human nature to want to be loved. Right now, I can do nothing but write about my predicament. I feel so helpless when it comes to this. I guess I’ll just see what happens.